Title: A real relationship
Warnings: There is smut, and there is angst.
Summary: Yamamoto wants everyone to know about his relationship with Gokudera, but Gokudera has other plans in mind...
Gokudera took a deep breath before knocking on Yamamoto’s door. Until that very moment, he had felt more than ready and determined. In front of the door, he was not so sure anymore. Was he able to do this, for God’s sake? Could he even let himself think it? Was he just ready to feel pain just for this?
Tsuna’s last words to him echoed in his mind, and he understood that he had to.
The door opened before he could knock, revealing a smiling and happy Yamamoto.
“Ah”, he said, “I thought I heard you mumbling.”
Gokudera was sure he hadn’t made a single noise and was going to tell his partner this when Yamamoto’s eyes filled quickly with desire.
“Come in”, Yamamoto whispered in a rough voice.
No! screamed a voice in the smaller man’s head. Resist!
But his body betrayed him, as usual. The door was not even entirely closed when he felt himself pressed against it, and Yamamoto’s hands were on his hip and neck, his lips urged to open by Yamamoto’s hungry tongue. Gokudera remembered the first time they’d kissed, years ago. That had been the first time Gokudera had seen Yamamoto’s face fillet with such burning desire, and that desire hadn’t let up since then. Gokudera could not fight this, and when he felt Yamamoto’s hand slide under his shirt, he wasn’t even sure that he wanted to. One last time, okay, he thought.
Yamamoto liked touching his friend’s skin. Just brushing against his hand brought him to the edge and he sometimes had to leave a Family reunion because Gokudera was too close for his own good. He was not sure about the origin of this consuming passion, and before meeting the Smoking Bomb boy, he thought that only baseball could drive him to this state. The first time they had sex, he discovered that he was not really the person he thought he was.
Gokudera’s fingers were actively working on Yamamoto’s buttons, and soon his shirt was pulled away. Gokudera let the extremities of his hands traced the lines of those firm muscles, the skin shivering under his touch, the tensing of that perfect chest. His fingers found the curve of the other’s man bottom, but Yamamoto grabbed his hands, blocking him. He pressed further against Gokudera, and both felt how aroused the other already was.
Yamamoto groaned something Gokudera didn’t catch, but soon his own shirt was thrown out of the way. The other man’s tongue furiously attacked his friend’s lips, stroking, teasing. Yamamoto pressed his teeth to Gokudera’s lips softly, admiring how perfect those lips were, and remembering what Gokudera could do with them. Yamamoto traced a line of wet kisses along the other man’s collarbone, biting his neck just to hear him moan. Gokudera was a strong man, but could become as docile as a cat if you happened to know his soft spot. Yamamoto knew it well.
The Smoking Bomb was sure his partner would leave a mark on that particular place behind his ear, and it reminded him for a second why he was here. He had to tell Yamamoto something, he had to stop him from kissing his neck, his chest, and God, he needed to stop that.
“Relax Hayato”, whispered Yamamoto. “It’s not like we haven’t done this before… And I know you love it.”
Stupid arrogant idiot, Gokudera thought. He was here because he loved “this” too much.
“Damn those pants of yours”, groaned the tall boy.
He had to use both hands to undo his jeans, releasing Gokudera from his grip at the same time. Gokudera’s fingers used their recent freedom to grab Yamamoto’s hair while he kneeled to get his pants and underwear off.
This was not their first time, and yet Gokudera couldn’t contain his overwhelming pleasure when Yamamoto’s mouth came near him. Maybe it was the way he all his way on his penis, leaving wet marks here and there. Maybe it was how he curled his fingers around him, stroking just hard enough to send electricity running along his spine. Or perhaps it was the movement of his tongue, first on his extremities and then all the way down, or just the warmth of his mouth all around him. They had done this in so many places and at so many random moments he couldn’t count them. But every single time, Yamamoto on his knees in front of him was enough to drive him insane. And this time was no exception.
Yamamoto was sucking him off as if there was no tomorrow: angrily, desperately, perfectly. He didn’t want to make Gokudera wait for his pleasure, he was not the teasing type. He knew exactly what he needed. He opened his mouth just a little wider to make way Gokudera’s penis. He took all he could of it and when he was about to choke, he tightened his lips around him and went back to the top. Gokudera’s reaction didn’t last. His fingers curled in Yamamoto’s hair, hurting him a bit. His eyes closed, his mouth opened, and he moaned, louder and louder. After a couple of minutes of this treatment, Gokudera reached his limit.
“Yamamoto”, he cried out.
The other man smiled and gave him a few last strokes for good measure, and then stood up. When his eyes met Gokudera’s, the smaller guy’s stomach flipped.
“I’m not done with you yet”, Yamamoto said.
After Gokudera had discarded his pants, still lying at his feet, Yamamoto took his hand and led him to the couch. During these few steps, the Smoking Bomb thought hard. He knew exactly what was coming next, and he had to admit that he was aching for it. Rough sex with Yamamoto, moans and screams, skin against skin, tongue and lips, Yamamoto inside him… Just the thought was enough to make him hard again. And he had decided that it would be their last time. Their very last time.
Gokudera, surprisingly, was the passive type. Even if he enjoyed it more than he should, during sex with Yamamoto, he would always let his friend make the first move. And during their make-out sessions, he would always rather let Yamamoto take the lead than the other way around. Not that Gokudera didn’t long to touch his friend’s skin and to feel his body close to his. But all the same, this was their relationship.
So when Yamamoto found himself pushed onto the couch, Gokudera’s lips on his own and his hands on his pants, he was caught out off-guard. If this was going to be their last time together, Gokudera thought, he wanted to make it unforgettable.
He brushed his lips against Yamamoto’s chest and stomach with his lips, kissing the other man’s skin here and there. His hands undezipped his lover’s pants, and he placed a soft kiss against Yamamoto’s underwear before taking off his pants completely. His tongue played with Yamamoto’s legs, slowly coaxing him back. Yamamoto’s penis was painfully hard now, and Gokudera could feel the heat coming from it.
“Hayato, please”… he begged, eyes closed.
Gokudera smiled but became serious again in a second. He took off Yamamoto’s underwear, stroking him once before crushing his lips to his mouth. It was the hungriest kiss he’d ever given to his partner. A kiss that made them both shiver with pleasure and need. Gokudera grabbed Takeshi’s tongue between his lips and reproduced what the taller man had done to him earlier. Yamamoto could barely even remember his name as he tried as hard as he could to kiss him back. But Gokudera was far too talented with the things he really wanted to master. He wanted Yamamoto to remember this kiss later, when pain would overcome the pleasure of being together.
The baseball player was too busy to notice that Gokudera’s hand was working between his own legs. He didn’t want Yamamoto to take care of that part, even if, damn, his fingers had always done an amazing job inside him. His tongue too… This bloody baseball idiot was good at making him weak.
When he felt ready, he broke the kiss, leaving Yamamoto short of breath. He stood up just a bit and lifted his hips. He felt his partner’s hard length trying to push its way in as his lover’s eyes asked silently if it was okay. Gokudera snorted and slid in all the way on Yamamoto.
“For God’s sake”, Yamamoto screamed.
It hurt a little on Hayato’s side too but he wouldn’t let the pain in the way. He started to move his hips, back and forth, enjoyed the feeling of being full of his friend. He would miss this, later…
Shut up, bloody bastard, a voice shouted in his head.
He then lifted his body, almost releasing Yamamoto, before he pushed back down again. The baseball player’s hand was on his own penis now, as he erratically stroked himself. Gokudera went on, up and down, on, making Yamamoto scream and moan with pleasure. He was kind of proud, hearing it.
Suddenly, Gokudera’s back met the couch as Yamamoto covered him with his body. This idiot preferred being the one in control, Gokudera thought with a mixed feeling of tenderness and sadness. Yamamoto’s mouth approached his ear, his hand still stroking himself.
“Hayato”, he moaned. “I’m tired of hiding how good it is to be with you.”
“Shut up, dumbass, we already hmm… talked about it.”
Yamamoto laughed and pushed himself harder and faster inside his lover. How nice would it be if they didn’t have to secretly meet every time they wanted to be alone? Gokudera could even move in with him, like a real… couple. Yes, that was what Yamamoto wanted. When he heard Gokudera moan his name, he was sure he could convince him to agree with him later. The Smoking Bomb’s face was flustered, cheeks pink, mouth open and eyes closed. He looked so vulnerable, and yet so desirable. Yamamoto knew he was the only one who was able to see that face of Gokudera’s.
“Hayato”, he whispered again. “You worked too well with me, I’m coming already.”
“You don’t have to say it out loud, idiot. Do I tell you?”
Gokudera hooked his legs around Yamamoto’s hips, who was going faster now. It became rough and almost violent, and soon both of them were screaming together at every push and stroke.
When Yamamoto came, he whispered an “I love you” that broke Gokudera’s heart. But he was too close to the edge of pleasure to even answer, as he came too.
They both caught their breath, Yamamoto’s face was pressed against his friend’s chest. It felt good to be like this. Gokudera’s heart was racing, but not because of the previous event. His mind was made up.
“I’ll get some tissues”, he said, trying to push his friend away.
“Oh, a few more minutes”, Yamamoto whined.
Yamamoto knew that tone well enough. With a sigh, he let go of his lover, who started to clean himself.
“We have to stop this”, Hayato said.
“Not my fault if I want you every time I see you.”
“I’m not talking about that, you fucking idiot. We…”
“We have to stop. Seeing each other. That’s what I meant.”
Yamamoto sat on the couch, a smile on his face. This was not the first time Gokudera had tried to break up with him, but in the past, his resolve had lasted only until Yamamoto had kissed him again. Gokudera was offering Yamamoto his back now, dressing up with all the seriousness he could muster. Yamamoto tugged at his sleeve, attempting tenderness, but the Smoking Bomb threw his hand away, angrily.
“I’m serious, bastard!” he shouted. “I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want YOU anymore!”
Yamamoto was now confused by the flames in Gokudera’s eyes.
“Can’t you understand? This was nice, I admit. But we’re adults now, and the games are over. The 10th asked me again why I still haven’t proposed to Haru. It’s time for us to get married and have a real life, Yamamoto. A real relationship.”
The last words hit Yamamoto harder than any punch could have. He stood up as Gokudera took his coat. He followed him through the house, his mind blank. When Hayato opened the door, he seemed to hesitate. But he didn’t look back.
“I’m sorry, Takeshi”, he whispered.
The door closed in front of Yamamoto, and for a while, all he could hear was the sound of his heart and Gokudera’s last words… again and again. A real relationship.
Yamamoto wondered suddenly if one of his old wounds hadn’t opened up in his chest. But this wound, as he found out, was deeper than any of those he’d had to endure before. This time, his very own heart had been targeted. A real relationship.
Yamamoto woke up the next day with a strange pain in his stomach. He rubbed his eyes and thought about what he had eaten before sleeping that could be causing him to feel sick. He didn’t remember anything in particular: he had visited his father and eaten a lot of sushi, just as usual. Then he had met Reborn who treated him for an ice-cream. Nothing too bad.After that, he had gone home and Gokudera…
The pain in his stomach rose. Gokudera Hayato was the reason.
After all these years, Yamamoto didn’t, couldn’t understand the sudden change in his friend’s mind. Their relationship was hidden from the Family, but he never thought for a single second that their feelings were not true. Gokudera had said that he wanted a real relationship, and yet he would never admit he was seeing Yamamoto. So what? Would it be more real if it was Haru? Because she was a woman and might make be the perfect little nice wife waiting for her Mafioso of a husband to come home each night? Did it make it more sense to marry a woman because that was what everyone expected? The right-hand man with the 10th’s wife’s best friend? So cute, right…
Yamamoto sighed. He was not a man of anger, and even if he felt hurt because of Gokudera’s words, he was not going to let it take him down. He would have a talk with Gokudera, and everything would be okay again. After all, Gokudera hadn’t refused to have sex with him the day before. One usually didn’t sleep with someone they were about to throw away. Right, thought Yamamoto with a smile. Gokudera was not like that. They had been together for too long. He knew how his friend reacted and what he thought. Their relationship was too heavy a secret to bear, so maybe it was time to reveal the truth to the whole Family.
Yamamoto laughed as he dressed to meet Tsuna. Gokudera was probably going to kill him after this. It would be good entertainment.
Many people envied Yamamoto’s ability to see the good side of everything every time. While most people would have been depressed after the kind of break up he’d just experienced, Yamamoto just saw it as a challenge. Gokudera had belonged to him since the moment their eyes had first met. If he wanted to get involved in something serious, Yamamoto would make it serious. For him. Because a life without Hayato at his side was a waste of time.
Tsuna had moved into a big house since his wedding with Kyoko, who was the one opening the door now.
“Ah Yamamoto! Tsu-kun is upstairs, and he’s alone for now.”
“Thanks Kyoko, I’ll go see him.”
So, Tsuna would be the first to learn about them. This was the boss’s privilege, Yamamoto thought. He knocked on the door and waited for the 10th invitation to come in.
“Yo Tsuna!” He said cheerfully.
“It’s good to see you, Yamamoto.”
The young Vongola was behind his desk, a huge pile of papers in front of him.
“Gah”, he complained, “I can’t believe I’m still doing this! It feels like homework.”
Yamamoto laughed and took a seat. His boss was always whining about his responsibilities, but Yamamoto knew that he was happy to be where he was, with the people he loved.
“So what’s up, Yamamoto? I heard that you were quite good during your last game.”
“Not as good as a pro should be, but well…
“You’re so lucky to be able to do what you want aside from the Mafia thing… I always knew that you’d become a great player, ever since I saw you fighting with Gokudera all the time.”
“Speaking of him…”
“Ah, I bet he told you already. Of course he did, you’re always together.”
“Tell me what…?” Yamamoto asked, a strange feeling in the stomach.
“He’s proposing to Haru today. Right now, I think. You knew about it, didn’t you?”
“Ah hem… He might have said… something about it.”
The world seemed to fall on his shoulders at that moment, and his vision was suddenly blurry.
“Tsuna hem, I have to go. Something urgent to do. See you later.”
“Ah… okay. Take care, Yamamoto.”
Yamamoto bowed quickly and left the house, not even responding to Kyoko’s farewell. All he wanted was to go away, far away from this place, far away from the Mafia, far away from the Family.
Gokudera had been serious after all. He really wanted to get involved in a real relationship. And he had a vision of what a real relationship should be. A man and a woman… Hayato and Haru. Did he even love her? She surely had feelings for him, Gokudera had always been the type that attracted girls. Haru must be crying from joy right now.
His legs started to run, in no particular direction. His brain felt as if I was about to explode. His heart hurt, and only hard exercise would kick the pain away. He would run from the pain, from his life, from what he had just lost. Gokudera marrying Haru. A spectacular wedding, maybe as glamorous as Tsuna and Kyoko’s one, just like the Vongola liked, a grand ceremony. Gokudera sleeping next to Haru, waking up at her side. She would be the last person he’d see before closing his eyes, and the first person he’d see in the morning. He would touch her and she would touch him. They would even have kids someday.
And what was Yamamoto’s place there? The best man at his wedding? The children’s godfather? He’d kill Gokudera before he even thought of asking either of those things.
But maybe Hayato still wanted him! He was going to marry Haru for the public, but them… They could still see each other in secret!
“Being the other man, eh”, Yamamoto groaned, still running.
No, it was over, that was all. He had to strike all his memories and all his feelings. It would be tough, but he knew he could do it. The Vongola needed someone in Italy to help Hibari. Yamamoto would go for it. Hopefully he would miss the wedding, and would only come back after the pain had vanished. Months, years, he would take all the time he needed. That was it.
Yamamoto didn’t say goodbye to anyone. Tsuna had been quite surprised to hear about his desire to go to Italy, but he couldn’t find a reason to refuse. With only a small bag, the baseball player was ready to take his plane to Europe. There, with the dissensions in the Mafia, his mind would be too busy to think about Gokudera.
He had left a message to his father to send flowers on his behalf for the wedding. That was the best he could do.
The Narita Airport was as busy as usual. Yamamoto was surrounded by thousands of people: Japanese, for the most part, but also Caucasians, other Asians, even Africans. Families going on trips, business men, tourists, lovers looking tenderly at each other… So much noise. Yamamoto had never felt so lonely among his peers.
The pain in his chest was not easy to describe. He was like he hurt inside. Like something heavy was pressing on his heart. Sometimes, he found it hard to breathe. And it was just stupid to feel this way. Gokudera was just a guy, and Yamamoto was handsome enough to pick up anyone else he wanted. In Europe, he heard that Hibari had had some success. Why not him? He could take on the serial lover role, no problem.
The thought made him laugh. He had never been interested in girls, or even boys. In fact, he had never been attracted to anyone but Gokudera. The sound of his voice, angry when he kept shouting at him, rough during their time together. The touch of his skin under his fingers, the look in his eyes… All the time they had spent together, all the times they had risked their lives together. The laughs, the anger, the friendship before the love… Yamamoto would miss everything. He had never told Gokudera how much he treasured their relationship. Maybe that was why Hayato thought it wasn’t serious. Maybe it was Yamamoto’s fault after all… Too late.
“Passengers to Roma are expecting on gate A. Passengers to Roma.”
It was time to fly away.
“You bastard, where do you think you’re going?”
Something broke in Yamamoto’s chest. Why did Gokudera have to appear at this exact moment? This wasn’t fair.
“Oi! You could at least look at me when I’m talking.”
The baseball player sighed and turned away. His heart was beating too fast for his own good, and he hid it as best as he could when he smirked at Gokudera. This last look seemed very angry, and in his eyes were dancing flames. A very arousing picture for Yamamoto, who felt the loss even deeper.
“So you’re leaving huh”, Gokudera said.” For Italy, as the 10th told me.”
“Hibari needs help there.”
“And you think you’re going to save the Vongola? Such a hero.”
Gokudera’s sarcastic tone was getting on Yamamoto’s nerves. It was much more than he could endure without breaking something.
“Listen Hayato”, he said sharply. “You’re free to do whatever you want with anyone you want, and I plan to do the same. You wanted to have a real relationship, and now you have one. Congratulations on your wedding. Just don’t expect me to be happy for you.”
The words were coming out of his mouth like rain suddenly falling on the earth after day of rising sun.
“If you’re here to ask me to become your best man, he went on, in the name of whatever Family spirit, you can go fuck yourself!”
Yamamoto breathed deeply and shook his head. The rain had passed, his anger was gone.
“I have a plane to catch”, he whispered softly. “I can’t stay here.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Why did Gokudera always have to make things harder? Somehow, it felt good to see that he still cared about him. But he couldn’t stay in Japan, not when the man he loved was going to marry someone else.
“I didn’t propose to Haru”, Gokudera revealed.
Yamamoto froze. Did he hear correctly? That was impossible.
“I couldn’t, you see? I thought about it very carefully. The 10th is expecting me to marry her because we kind of dated ten years ago. And the 10th can’t really see matters of love, even with his Hyper Intuition, can he? Maybe he did see after all, but never told me. Who knows?”
“What are you talking about?” Yamamoto asked, utterly lost.
“About you and me, what else?” Gokudera snapped. “Everyone else is aware of our… relationship. Even Haru knows. When I went to see her, the first thing she told me was...”
He then started to imitate the woman’s high voice.
“Tsuna wants you to marry me, but I refuse to live with someone who loves someone else! Besides, I don’t like you, Gokudera! I told her that she didn’t know what she was talking about, and so we had a sort of fight.”
“Passengers to Roma, last call!”
“Okay Gokudera”, Yamamoto interrupted. “If you have something to tell me, it’s now or never because I have to go.”
The 10th’s right hand man hesitated. Yamamoto was not really sure that he understood half of what Gokudera had just said, or why he hadn’t proposed to Haru. He didn’t even know why he was still here with him…
“I want you to stay.”
Gokudera was serious. But Yamamoto was not certain.
“For what reason?” he asked tentatively.
“For…” he hesitated again and took a deep breath. “Ok, for me. You have to stay for me. I can’t stand the idea of you being miles and miles away. I… I need you, beside me.”
“And what about your “real relationship” obsession?”
“I have it already. I realized it when I learned that you wanted to leave.”
Yamamoto’s lips parted into a big, warm smile. The pain in his chest disappeared and if his heart was pounding, now it was pounding for a good reason. Without thinking, he took Gokudera in his arms and hugged him with all his strength.
"What do you think you’re doing?" Gokudera snarled, trying to escape. "People are watching!"
The hitman let go of him and laughed.
"Well, you better get used of it. Tomorrow, I’ll tell the whole Family about our “real relationship”…"